Thursday, June 30, 2022

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30 Things Your Pets Would Ask For If They Could

Owning a pet is a big job. Those lovable balls of fur have all these wants and desires but no verbal communication, so how are we supposed to know what the heck they want? Not all of us have enough money to hire Cesar Milan to come over to our house and translate the dog 24/7. Speaking of Cesar Milan, what happened to that guy?

Anyway, while I may not have used a pet psychic to confirm the usefulness of these items, I do have a good idea about what animals like and want from pet-owning experience. Here are 30 things that will make your pet think you can read their minds. 

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The Almighty Kong

I’ve never met a dog in my life who isn’t completely obsessed with licking peanut butter out of a Kong. To be honest, I’ve also never met a dog owner who hasn’t gone through several of these with their doggos. If you’ve never given your dog a Kong (filled with peanut butter, trust me), it’s time to end the embargo and buy one now!


Simulated Heartbeat Plush Littermates For Anxious Pups

A semi-robotic puppy who radiates calmness and promotes sleep to your real-life puppy? Yes, Please! These plushy friends are a game-changer for new puppies who have recently been separated from their litter, assuming your dog doesn’t immediately give into instinct and tear it to shreds when you’re not looking. Snuggle Puppies are ultra-soft, and they even come with a warming pad and simulated beating heart to make your little fur buddy feel like they’re snuggled up to their siblings.


Eco-Friendly Yet Indestructible Poop Bags

Please, for the love of God, don’t leave your dog’s poop on the ground! For real, dodging a dog dropping on the sidewalk is one of my least favorite activities! However, I think it’s just as essential that we don’t use plastic bags that just become more waste! These Earth Rated poop bags are made from 100% recycled material and guaranteed leak-proof. No mess for you, no mess for your neighbors, and (most importantly) no mess for the planet! A win-win-win, as Michael Scott would say.


A Plush Log With Little Squeaky Squirrels

Chasing squirrels is an activity deeply embedded into the DNA of dogs, so it makes sense that one of the top dog toys on Amazon is this hollowed-out log with a bunch of squirrels that live inside. Your dog can root around the hollow log all day long looking for more squirrels to grab, but make sure you keep an eye on what they’re doing because the little squirrels can (and probably will) be torn apart! Either way, a lot of people on Amazon say this is their dog’s absolute favorite toy.


This Floppy Fish Will Drive Your Cat Crazy

What is there to say? This floppy fish will absolutely drive your cat wild, especially when you stuff it with the provided catnip. It even has a micro-USB charging port, so you don’t need to buy batteries. What more could you ask for from a cat toy? Patorama has a bunch of cool products on their Amazon store, check it out here.


This Puppy Training Pad For Your Leaky Buddy

One thing is for sure: puppies can be extremely dumb! Sure, it’s dumb in a cute and lovable way, but dumb nonetheless! One thing they’re going to do, in my experience, is pee. Like, seriously, they’re going to pee everywhere. Get these training pads before it’s too late! These paper marvels have attractive odors built-in that will draw your pup to the pads. That doesn’t mean they do all the work, so make sure to follow all the directions and work with your dog to train them! Otherwise, they might not quite understand what attracts them and start tearing the pads up (just like my dog did).


These Indestructible ChuckIt! Squeaker Balls

Finally, a ball made specifically to be misused by your dog! This one even squeaks as it hurdles through the air, driving any pup absolutely bonkers. Don’t forget to grab one of the launchers too, so you can send your dog soaring like Air Bud.


Reward Your Smart Dog With This Canine Puzzle

My doggo loves puzzles like this. Dumb as a brick, but he’ll do anything for a treat, so it’s always entertaining when we pull this out and watch him flop around. He feels like a genius, and we’re dying laughing, which means this is another winning product! I’m sure this could be a fun toy to show off your smart dog with, but it’s fun for dummies, too!


This Soccer Ball With Straps

I don’t know why I’m so impressed with this soccer ball with loop tags, but I am. It just makes SO MUCH SENSE! Here’s how it usually goes for me: I kick the ball, my dog runs and grabs it, runs away with it and won’t give it back; then we do it all again! No, but seriously, this is such an innovative ball because it helps you play in new ways with your pup—just as long as your naughty fur child doesn’t stick their fangs into it.


These Rawhide Kabobs Will Excite Your Pup

I’m not sure why the packaging for this says “holiday snack for all dogs.” I guess it’s because eating this #1 rated dog bone on Amazon is like a holiday in and of itself? I’m not sure, but to be honest, these chicken, duck, and liver kebabs sound good to me as a human, so I understand why many folks are buying this treat for their dog.


This Bacon-Flavored Wishbone Will Keep The Attention Of Your Pup

Here’s another fan favorite: the almighty Benebone. This wishbone-shaped chew toy should last your furry buddy about a month of regular chewing. This bad boy is so durable that it’s even recommended for “aggressive chewers,” which is a new phrase to me. Have my dogs been aggressive chewers without me knowing it? What does a gentle chewer look like? So many questions.


Delicious Dental Care For Your Pup!

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: beef-flavored dental sticks? It’s true, they’re more of a snack than actual dental care, but hey, you can’t win every battle when you own dogs!


A Frisbee For Your Dog

If your dog loves to play fetch, this toy is perfect. Specifically made with durable, dog-safe materials, the Hyper Pet flying disk weighs next to nothing and folds up easily to bring with you anywhere.


This Enzyme-Rich Pet Odor Remover For Those Unfortunate Accidents

Accidents do happen, and sometimes you’ll have to take drastic measures. That doesn’t mean you have to use industrial chemicals, and this enzyme-powered urine remover is proof of that. It contains no chlorine and is completely safe on all carpets and around your pets. Cleaning up a pet stain is no fun task, but this definitely makes your life much easier!


This Collapsable Cat Tunnel

Your cat definitely needs more confined spaces to hide in, right? I mean, maybe they don’t need them per se, but they will absolutely appreciate them. This pair of collapsable cat tunnels come in two lengths, one long (at 35″) and one short (at 18″), and both are 10″ in diameter. And yes, of course they have some hangy balls at the end for your cats to slap around.


The ChomChom Pet Hair Removal Will Change Your (Pet’s) Life

This pet hair remThis pet hair remover is seriously magic. No tape or vacuum needed, just good old-fashioned static electricity. This is perfect for couches and beds that tend to get covered in fur whenever Rover comes around. It’s reusable over and over, so no waste whatsoever (except for that dang hair)!


This Indestructible Tug-Of-War Toy For Aggressive Chewers

Even strong little buddies need toys! This extra-durable, 100% natural, non-toxic rubber tug toy is perfect for those infamous “aggressive chewers” which also promotes itself as virtually indestructible. If you have a pupper that could chew through a steel beam, now is your chance to put their indestructible claim to the test!


These Pill Pockets For Stealthy Pet Care

Sometimes your pup needs some meds, but I’ve never met a dog who will readily accept a pill into their mouth. That’s where these bad boys come in handy; delicious, nutritious, and easily conceals any tablet you put in it. Pill Pockets come in a bunch of different flavors, so your picky hound won’t ever get sick of em’.


This Bed Will Turn Your Dog Into A Loaf

Only one piece of pet furniture is both the best cat bed and the best dog bed: it’s this one from PetFusion. One reviewer even called this “my dog’s dream bed,” what more could you ask for? Don’t waste your money buying one of those cheap beds with crappy foam for $30, because you could honestly make something of similar quality at home for $5. Buy a bed that will last and one that will keep your pup comfortable.


A Classic Rope Toy

The classics are classics for a reason: they work. A rope is the gold standard for tough dog toys, and even the most aggressive chewer could have a good piece of rope for years and years. The best part about a rope toy? They’re cheap as heck, with this one clocking in under $10.


Every Dog Needs A Crate!

Some people would never dream of putting their dog in a crate. That’s fine and all, but they’re most likely never going to be well-behaved dogs unless you have unlimited free time. Sometimes you have to go to work, and puppies will do what puppies do (like eat toilet paper, for whatever reason). Anyway, I’m a big fan of crates for training purposes. I had a rescue dog with separation anxiety, and using the crate for a couple of months helped with training that out of him. These are available in many sizes and have great reviews, just make sure you are training your buddy on how to use the crate!


Don’t Forget Toys For Your Pup, Like This Wiggle Ball!

The WobbleWagGiggle is great because it’s a toy for you and your dog to play with together. No, this is not a chew toy! It’s made to be rolled along the ground like a bowling ball, the holes in it’s sides cause it to wobble all over the place and make sounds, and your dog is supposed to figure out how to fetch it and bring it back to you. It’s honestly so much fun to watch videos of dogs using this thing, but only click that link if you plan on buying one because you won’t be able to unsee the unfiltered joy!


These Customizable GoTags For All Your Pets

This one is just a reminder that your dog needs tags! These are cheap and sturdy, and you can get whatever you want engraved on them. On that note, don’t forget to chip you pets!


Yes, This Gumby Is One Of The Top Pet Toys On Amazon

If you’re an 80’s or 90’s kid, you probably remember Gumby. Your dog isn’t going to know what it is (I’m not even sure we know what Gumby is), but this is the top-rated plush dog toy on Amazon, so I can only assume it’s because our generation now all have dogs and we love to live in the past. You can also get Lambchop (which is a pretty grim name for a cuddly lamb puppet), or Mr. Bill (I don’t know what he was supposed to be either) if you want to really regress.


This Food Bowl Puzzle Will Make Your Pup Work For Their Meal!

Do you have a dog that seems to inhale their food in a dangerous manner, one with the possibility of choking extremely high? The Slo Bowl will seriously give your dog some time to breathe, since they will have to navigate the kibble through a maze, lowering the risk of choking considerably. I don’t know what makes some dogs literally assault their food, but this prevents most of that!


Sometimes Your Pet Needs A Quick Wipe After Slobbering All Their Food

Give your pets some dignity and wipe that crud off their face! Alcohol wipes aren’t safe for pets, so these specialty wipes are perfect. They also work great on paw pads!


This Waterproof And Windproof Jacket For Pups

Winter is upon us, so let’s keep your pup warm with a fashionable waterproof and windproof dog vest. Who doesn’t love a dog in a coat? Evil people, that’s who.


These Dog Booties Are Perfect For Snowy And Salty Sidewalks

These little booties will help prevent painful salty paw pads on your furry friend. The winter brings snow, snow brings salt, and salt bring sores on your dog’s feet! These are an absolute must for urban living!


The Top Rated Dog Harness On Amazon

I don’t think it’s very comfortable to be pulled by the neck, do you? Get your dog one of these chest restraints for the leash and prevent choking for good! The Voyager is the top rated harness on Amazon with tons of good reviews.


Catch Your Mischievous Pet In Action With This Nanny Cam

Keep an eye on your pets the old fashioned way: with a modern high-tech nanny cam. Seriously, why not? You’ve already done the crate training, your pups are allowed to stay home alone, but what happens when someone goes through the ol’ trash bin? Let the nanny cam reveal the culprit!

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